American Haiku - afternoon shot

[machinery]

scribbles on concrete
...there's writing on the walls!
but I'm not gonna read 'em.

dark hair going down the aisle
I sit but my eyes follow
ah her hair's too dark

I saw her coming down the steps
I turned right...
not today

her skin is real tan
I wanna see more
"hey, what are you doing tonight"

Day's real wild
no food, no sleep
I continue to move

Bright sky
a tall brunette waves
I don't even know her name

1:15pm
I'm in a dark room
but I know it's sunny

how many Rockafellas are out today?
You one?
You?

haven't talked to her today
I want to
but no need for any discomfort

worker with a broom
bending over to get under tables
she's got more than a rear

a black bird
lands on a gutter
and walks on the hot roof

[parch]

last one hit home w/ a similarity to japanese haiku..kinda////

they all kinda followed like a day's walk and i like that...2nd one i really liked but it didn't fit anything i'd call haiku...i just really liked it anyway...so maybe that's where you're goin, maybe you found somewhere that's not haiku,, something new and good...like that 2nd one... i don't know.

all in all they're a different style so keep goin w/ it and i'll keep readin.

___---parch

[ranter]

i liked 'em but i dont think they captured the same feel as the ones you put out the other day, its as if you were trying a little too hard on these, whereas, the ones you wrote the other day felt like they came a little bit more naturally...keep workin